Parse That Headline V

A $20 Billion Give-In? GM And Unions Finally Reach A Retiree Healthcare Deal (GM)

or

Union-Owned GM Agrees To Write Themsleves Some Post-Dated Cheques From Their Account At Imaginary Bank Of Pretendland

Parse That Headline IV

Authorities probe insider trading at SEC: source

Ouch! That one doesn't even need to be re-parsed. If I were at the SEC, I'd be covering my shorts and going long calls to my lawyer.

Parse That Headline III

Alberta's Oilsands Royalties Fall 97%

Or

Ed Stalmach: "Crap, Crap, Crappity-Crap-Crap!"

Parse That Headline II

Courtesy of Bloomberg's crack team of writers and the rocket scientists at the IMF: Middle East Growth to Fall by 50% This Year, IMF Says

or

Oil Now Cheap As Borscht, Middle East Can't Produce Much Else (Except Terrorism and Failed States)

It's a good thing Israel isn't considered part of the Middle East. Not that Western Europe is looking to fare much better.

New Feature: Parse that Headline

Pound Down Sharply As BOE Expands Quant Easing

or

British Pound Worthless Because The Government Is Willing To Give You Free Cash For That Crap Sitting In The Giveaway Pile In Your Garage